Getting What You Need From Your Partner?

Sometimes I like to be on top and be the one in control. However, in that position I do not have orgasms.

Does anyone know if this is normal for women not to have an orgasm when on top? Is there a way for a woman to be on top and still have orgasms? It is fun, but I don't get any sexual fulfillment from it. I want to make as much effort in bed as I can, but also want to get something out of it too.

I think that it is totally UN-fair to the man when a woman just lays there, or doesn't put much or any effort into having sex, or making love. (yes they are different things)

I also feel that it isn't fair when a man does all the foreplay and the woman doesn't do anything for him! Too many women act as if they don't like or are afraid of their mans penis. That is just wrong, and I feel bad for the men who have women like that.

I admit that I used to be ignorant as well, and because I was never shown what to do, but expected to know what to do, and hadn't read about what to do, I too was intimidated. For me when I didn't have an emotional connection to the man, I didn't even try because I didn't know how. If I didn't love him, I also didn't have a desire to want to learn what I needed to so I could please the man I am with. Now that I know what to do because I took it upon myself to learn, I want to please him.

Women, if you are just intimidated by not knowing what you are to do, then read about what you can do for your man, in the site I have listed below "The Sex Project". Some of you women are just plain selfish! If you love him, then you should love ALL of him! After you learn what to do, also ask him what he likes. Ask him what feels good to him. Let him know it is your first time trying this, so he doesn't expect you to know what to do. Tell him you want to please him but need his help to do what he likes.

Hopefully he will be patient with you as you learn. It is something that you will have to practice together until you become comfortable with him, and can do it without being shy about it. Learn all you can from him. Don't be shy to ask him questions before hand, or after to get his opinion on how you could make things better. I hope he will not be critical of you as you learn and practice. As long as you show him that you are really trying and want to please him, I think everything will be ok.

Men, this is something else to consider. Not all women will desire to please you, if there is no emotional attachment to you for her. Establish that bond between you before you ask her to give you a blow job. Her attitude towards doing so should be much better with her loving you, than if she was just attracted to you. I know there are women out there that love to give blow jobs to any man they are with. That is great for those men who find them, but for those who have a woman they want to or are having sex with, this advice is for you.

If your girlfriend or wife isn't making much of an effort in bed, then tell her what you would like from her. She will not know that you want things to be any different unless you tell her. Communicate with her just what you want her to do. Be nice of course and don't just tell her to do it. Ask her if she would. It is possible that your woman might not have ever thought of being on top since you might SEEM content with her on bottom, or in other positions.

Women, even when on bottom us women can help. Move your hips in time with your man. Don't just lay their like a dead fish. The more you make an effort in bed, the more you will make your man feel like you really want him and can't get enough of him.

Something else I would like to suggest to both men and women. This doesn't work with everyone, because not everyone knows how to communicate well or is willing to listen.

Talk about what you both want in bed ahead of time, before you start getting horny or have sex on your mind at all.Have a discussion about what you like in bed, what kinds of positions you would like to try. Talk about what you would like from each other. Ask each other questions about the way things are going in bed so far. How do they like it. Do you want more or less foreplay, etc... Tell each other what turns you on in bed about your partner.

If there have been any bad experiences with either one of you in the past, tell your partner about it! It would be bad for your relationship and sex life if one of you did something and it reminded your partner of a bad experience in the past.

Before trying anything new, always talk about it. For example; don't just try anal on a girl or woman because you like it! Ask first! Don't push it if she doesn't want to.

If you both are inexperienced, then make it a fun thing to learn together. Get some books from the library or look at sites online. Learn all you can about different positions, and how you can please each other.

This site The Sex Project has a lot of wonderful information to help you. Share it with your partner, to get answers to questions you might have it would be good for both of you to become members. Bring them over to the PC and read things together. Discuss what you read, and find out what you each like.

This way when you know what you both want, through COMMUNICATION and cooperation, you can both give an equal amount of effort in bed. You both will be much more satisfied with your sex partner than you were before.

If one of you is more experienced than the other, make a game of it. See who can find the most information than the other. Who can find the most interesting postilions, and places where people have had sex, etc... That way the less experienced person does not feel like he or she is ignorant, but it is a game, so becomes fun. Then try out what you learn!

Have Fun Everyone!!

((HUGS)) To all the men and women who have a partner that does not put much if any effort into sex or making love. I hope this helps you.

May Love Find Your Heart -
Countess

What Kind Of Kiss Are You?

You have an entrancing kiss ~
the kind that leaves your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling he is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss that never lessens and always blows your partner away like the first time.

What Kind Of Kiss Are You? <<<---Click here to take the quiz.

Brought to you by: Quizilla.com

The above results are mine from when I took the quiz. Leave a comment here or in my neoBoard, to let me know what kind of Kiss you are!!

May Love Find Your Heart -
Countess

Female Masturbation

For me the word masturbation was thought of as a dirty word. Something that if you did it, you better not anyone know about it. That is how I was brought up, and even as an adult felt guilty for even trying. I am not an expert at masturbation, but I have learned a few things as I practiced and experimented, that I wanted to share with others.

I had tried a few times in the past couple years to masturbate, but it never worked for me. I didn't feel any pleasure in it. I didn't know then actually HOW to masturbate correctly so that I could make myself cum.

I am wondering if this is a problem for a lot of women? Do lots of women not masturbate because they don't know how? Or that they feel guilty for wanting to? That used to be me earlier this year. I could get aroused, but when I was by myself I just couldn't make myself cum. I could make myself feel good, but as far as having an orgasm, it just didn't work for me.

I didn't understand what I was doing wrong. I thought that it just took me too long, and my hands would get tired before anything happened. So I would just stop, being unfulfilled. It was much different when I had cybersex. I got great stimulation from the words in the IM window. Somehow that stimulation helped me more than I could by myself to cum.

It has taken me many months of practicing and experimenting on my own to now be able to make myself cum almost every time now. When I am VERY aroused sometimes I can have an orgasm within a minute or two of masturbation! With practice every woman should be able to learn to make herself cum with the right stimulation, and knowledge of what your most sensitive places are on your own body.

Sometimes I use a visual stimulation, like a picture. Sometimes putting on a song that gets me excited also helps a lot. So then I have visual, audio, and physical stimulation all at once. Actually even smell also stimulates as well. I don't know if other woman are the same way, but when I get aroused I can smell it. This happens most times before I even start to touch myself. Once I get the visual, and audio stimulation, soon after I get wet. Sometimes it happens immediately.

Another kind of stimulation that I am not sure works for many, but it sure does for me, is imagination. If you have no pictures, or music that excites you, try fantasizing. If you have no real fantasies in your mind that you would like to happen some day, then try making something up in your head. Movie stars are good ones to use since most people have their favorites and have at least one that they think are HOT! Think of that man that you think is hot, and you being on a beach having hot sex. Or skinny dipping, taking a shower together, or him being in bed with you licking you and being the one stimulating your clitoris, massaging your breasts, etc.. Let your imagination go wild, and let things happen in your mind that you might be too afraid to try in any other place. Your fantasies are your own.

By the way, just writting this article has made me wet! So maybe you can also try writing something erotic, sexual in nature, or reading something erotic if you don't write.

Once you are wet, get in a quiet place, like your bed where you feel comfortable during masturbation. This wetness is the beginning of arousal. I don't seem to have much of a problem getting aroused. This wetness is important so you don't make yourself raw trying to make yourself cum. Rubbing this wetness on yourself can also enhance your pleasure.

Once you are wet dip your fingers into your vagina and rub your wetness on your clitoris. The clitoris is very sensitive for women and you can make yourself have great orgasms by clitoris stimulation. Spreading your legs as wide as you can augments pleasure, as well as using one hand to spread the lips of your vagina apart and pulling the clitoris hood back some. If you are too sensitive to direct clitoris stimulation, then try rubbing around it, on the clitoris hood as well as below and beside the clitoris. I think the easiest way to get to orgasm quickly is to stimulate the exposed clitoris. At this point it should be erect and easy to feel and manipulate. I am not sure if every woman's clitoris becomes erect or not, but mine does.

Try using one finger and rub your clitoris starting from the tip of your finger down close to the back of your finger. Depending on the position of a man, his body might make the same movement against your clitoris during sex. Add some pressure with your finger, not too much but some pressure will simulate what your clitoris feels when the mans body is rubbing against it. Keep up this movement, every now and then dipping into your vagina to rub more of your wetness on your clitoris, and continue. Keep doing this and you will start feeling almost an itching feeling in your clitoris. This means it is working! Keep on and don't stop now! That itching feeling will soon change and you will start to orgasm. If you live alone, or are alone in the house at the time, let yourself go and moan and scream as loud as you want or need to.

Not every orgasm will last the same amount of time, nor be the same intensity. There are times when all you will feel are one or two short spasms and that is it. It might be the short orgasms at first when you are learning, but as you practice and get more comfortable with yourself you should start to get harder and longer orgasms as you masturbate.

You can also use a detachable shower head, or running bath water to stimulate your clitoris. Or you can do as I learned to do even as a child of 7 ( I didn't know what a clitoris was then). Find the strongest stream of water from your normal shower head. Move the shower head around so you can position yourself right under the strongest stream of water. Have the stream hit your clitoris at the most sensitive place for you. Use your hands as well and you should have a great orgasm. Using the water also takes practice to find where it feels the best for you. It can be frustrating though if you haven't cum and the water gets cold!

Take your shower and get clean first, or you might run out of warm water before you are done and then not want to take a cold shower to get clean. lol This will apply' mostly to places that have a limited supply of hot water available. Or someone else in the house flushes a toilet, or runs the washing machine, or dishwasher! lol It can get cold quick, so if you do it, make sure to have the hot water tank full when you start your shower.

Unfortunately though, this is also a big waste of water, especially for those in an area that is going through a dry spell or drought. So if you are able to make yourself cum any other way than the running water, it would be best to do that instead.

If there are any men out there that read this and would like to submit an article they write about ( male masturbation ), please e-mail it to me using the e-mail address in my profile. I will give you full credit. I think it would only be right to have that article be written by a man!
Women if you have any more information or things to add to what I have said please leave a comment here, or if you don't have a blogger account, e-mail your comment to me, and I will post it for you. Thank You!!

I have an external link to a forum post at The Sex Project on the title of this blog post. Just click on the title and it will take you to that article about Female Masturbation. It was written by a man from a women's point of view. I have linked that site here so you can go look and read the other articles if you are wanting to learn more about sex and your own body. There are many great informative articles there.

May Love Find Your Heart -
Countess

Wanting To Be Wanted

What does it mean when we want be wanted?

Is it it the same as needing to be needed?

Or is it longing to be loved?

Why do us humans (especially women) need to be wanted, cherished, and loved?

What is in us that drives us to madness when we do not get what we want or feel we need emotinaly, or physicaly?

That need does not go away no matter how hard we try to ignore it.

We can suppress our emotions so we don't feel the need so much, but in the end only hurt ourselves by doing so.

There is something about the attention a man gives a woman, that is different than any other kind of attention she might get from others.

He can so easliy make her feel so special by the things he says. He can make her heart beat faster just by hearing his voice, or reading his words in a message or e-mail.

He can make her feel as light as air just to let her know he wants to kiss her, or carass her face.
No matter if it is a virtual kiss or not, the woman feels wanted, and cherished.

Do men want to be wanted as well?

Do men ever want that emotional connection that only comes from the heart?

Do men feel more than lust when it comes to making a woman feel wanted?
Can he feel more?

When there hasn't been a physical meeting yet, for a woman the emotional connection to the man she cares about, during cybersex is the closest she will feel to him until they can be together in perosn. This only happens for a women when she is already deeply connected to the man she cares about.

It doesn't matter if he feels as strongly towards her as she does towards him. During that time their feelings and emotions are equal. They feel a connection that they don't get at any other time. That place that wants to be cherished, loved, and wanted is filled. It is a give and take of equal purportions in emotions, lust, and physical satisfaction for them both.

I wish I knew if there was another way to feed that need to be wanted. So far I haven't figured that one out yet. I don't no if there really is another way, online to fill that emotinal void, with the semblance of love.

If anyone knows of another way, please e-mail me using the e-mail address in my profile! Or leave a comment here or in the neoboard.

I need that void filled even if it is only the semblance of love. It is the closest I have until the the time comes we can meet in person, and findout if it can be real.

Here is a Poem I wrote last year that fits today's blog post. Click on the link below or on the title of todays blog post.
Desires In Loneliness

May Love Find Your Heart -
Countess

Love in Friendship

Is there room for Love in friendship? Will the friendship change when Love is part of it?

Where do the lines of friendship end and the lines of a relationship begin when Love is part of it?

How is one to know if the Love is just the Love for your Best friend, or the Love between man and woman?

Is it possible to Love someone you have never met in person? Can Love exist without physical chemistry?

Why can't I be content to just be friends? My heart wants so much more. My heart wants to feel the same things returned that I feel.

I am so grateful for my Best friend. He has been there for me when I needed him. I want to always stay friends with him.

I am trying to just be a friend to him, but it is very hard. My heart wants to give so much more.

My heart wants to recive just as much in return, and that is what makes me hurt so much right now.

I want him to feel the same way about me as I do him. I know it isn't fair of me to want that.

I wish I could just be happy being friends with him, and not want more. I want to be more than a friend to him.

He has been my Dear friend for 9 months now. The last 4 months I had thought that his feelings for me were more than they actually are.

Now I feel a loss. Its as if I actually lost that part of his heart, that I thought he had given.

I know it isn't a real loss, since he hadn't given that part of his heart to begin with. I only had thought he had.

It doesn't matter if it is a real loss or not. It still feels like it is since in my mind and my heart I had thought he had given part of his heart to me.

Does a couple have to actually meet face to face before they know if Love is really there? Is it not possible to love without being physical?

My heart is so confused. I used to look at his picture and I would smile. Just the thought of him would make me happy. Now each time I look at his picture I feel a physical pain in my heart!

What is that? Why do I feel this way? I want to look at him without hurting! He means so much to me! why does it hurt to look at him? It doesn't make sense to me!

I also have two other male friends who are very dear to me. They are both very good friends and I also love them. My love for them is strictly the love of friendship. I am very grateful for them both! I never want to lose their friendship.

I am listening to White Snake - "Here I go Again". I feel as if my heart is now alone again. If I hadn't thought that I had part of his heart, this wouldn't hurt like this.

I've known that he didn't feel as much towards me as I do towards him. I thought that there was something more than friendship then. I was hoping that whatever amount he felt for me would grow in time.

Friendship is all he wants until we are able to meet. In my mind now, I don't see that happening at for a few more years.

What is the definition of an Online Relationship? Does it mean that it is only a friendship until you meet in person? Or can two people have a real Relationship online before they meet?

Is there some precedent for these type of things? I know I can't be the only one feeling like this! I know that there are lots of people out there that have met online. So why do I FEEL alone in this?

Here is a poem that I wrote back in April 2005. It shows kind of how I feel now. click on the link.
Bleeding Heart

May Love Find Your Heart -
Countess