Getting What You Need From Your Partner?

Sometimes I like to be on top and be the one in control. However, in that position I do not have orgasms.

Does anyone know if this is normal for women not to have an orgasm when on top? Is there a way for a woman to be on top and still have orgasms? It is fun, but I don't get any sexual fulfillment from it. I want to make as much effort in bed as I can, but also want to get something out of it too.

I think that it is totally UN-fair to the man when a woman just lays there, or doesn't put much or any effort into having sex, or making love. (yes they are different things)

I also feel that it isn't fair when a man does all the foreplay and the woman doesn't do anything for him! Too many women act as if they don't like or are afraid of their mans penis. That is just wrong, and I feel bad for the men who have women like that.

I admit that I used to be ignorant as well, and because I was never shown what to do, but expected to know what to do, and hadn't read about what to do, I too was intimidated. For me when I didn't have an emotional connection to the man, I didn't even try because I didn't know how. If I didn't love him, I also didn't have a desire to want to learn what I needed to so I could please the man I am with. Now that I know what to do because I took it upon myself to learn, I want to please him.

Women, if you are just intimidated by not knowing what you are to do, then read about what you can do for your man, in the site I have listed below "The Sex Project". Some of you women are just plain selfish! If you love him, then you should love ALL of him! After you learn what to do, also ask him what he likes. Ask him what feels good to him. Let him know it is your first time trying this, so he doesn't expect you to know what to do. Tell him you want to please him but need his help to do what he likes.

Hopefully he will be patient with you as you learn. It is something that you will have to practice together until you become comfortable with him, and can do it without being shy about it. Learn all you can from him. Don't be shy to ask him questions before hand, or after to get his opinion on how you could make things better. I hope he will not be critical of you as you learn and practice. As long as you show him that you are really trying and want to please him, I think everything will be ok.

Men, this is something else to consider. Not all women will desire to please you, if there is no emotional attachment to you for her. Establish that bond between you before you ask her to give you a blow job. Her attitude towards doing so should be much better with her loving you, than if she was just attracted to you. I know there are women out there that love to give blow jobs to any man they are with. That is great for those men who find them, but for those who have a woman they want to or are having sex with, this advice is for you.

If your girlfriend or wife isn't making much of an effort in bed, then tell her what you would like from her. She will not know that you want things to be any different unless you tell her. Communicate with her just what you want her to do. Be nice of course and don't just tell her to do it. Ask her if she would. It is possible that your woman might not have ever thought of being on top since you might SEEM content with her on bottom, or in other positions.

Women, even when on bottom us women can help. Move your hips in time with your man. Don't just lay their like a dead fish. The more you make an effort in bed, the more you will make your man feel like you really want him and can't get enough of him.

Something else I would like to suggest to both men and women. This doesn't work with everyone, because not everyone knows how to communicate well or is willing to listen.

Talk about what you both want in bed ahead of time, before you start getting horny or have sex on your mind at all.Have a discussion about what you like in bed, what kinds of positions you would like to try. Talk about what you would like from each other. Ask each other questions about the way things are going in bed so far. How do they like it. Do you want more or less foreplay, etc... Tell each other what turns you on in bed about your partner.

If there have been any bad experiences with either one of you in the past, tell your partner about it! It would be bad for your relationship and sex life if one of you did something and it reminded your partner of a bad experience in the past.

Before trying anything new, always talk about it. For example; don't just try anal on a girl or woman because you like it! Ask first! Don't push it if she doesn't want to.

If you both are inexperienced, then make it a fun thing to learn together. Get some books from the library or look at sites online. Learn all you can about different positions, and how you can please each other.

This site The Sex Project has a lot of wonderful information to help you. Share it with your partner, to get answers to questions you might have it would be good for both of you to become members. Bring them over to the PC and read things together. Discuss what you read, and find out what you each like.

This way when you know what you both want, through COMMUNICATION and cooperation, you can both give an equal amount of effort in bed. You both will be much more satisfied with your sex partner than you were before.

If one of you is more experienced than the other, make a game of it. See who can find the most information than the other. Who can find the most interesting postilions, and places where people have had sex, etc... That way the less experienced person does not feel like he or she is ignorant, but it is a game, so becomes fun. Then try out what you learn!

Have Fun Everyone!!

((HUGS)) To all the men and women who have a partner that does not put much if any effort into sex or making love. I hope this helps you.

May Love Find Your Heart -
Countess