God Why Must I Be Teased?

Why must my body react so strongly to the mere thought of him?

My body craves his kiss, & touch so much that I can almost feel him just by thinking of him.

I long for him and yet he is not here. My body teases me with sensations I never felt before I met him.

I give in to the pleasure my body wants, and scream from the wonderful sensations my body has.

I am left wanting more. I just want him more than ever and yet don't want to quit feeling feeling the pleasure.

My body teases me to the point of no return, wanting him more than ever, and knowing it may never be.

Why can't I just be content with the communication we have now?

I feel as if my body betrays me, making me crave what I may never have.Never have I felt for someone the way I do for him.

He brings out the fire within me that wants to devour me from the inside out if it doesn't get the fuel it needs.

My wants and needs are overpowering me day and night.I wake up from a dream feeling the pleasure of him, only to find he is not there.

I don't want to stop feeling the pleasure I get from wanting him so much.It is just hard to believe my body will ever feel what it craves so much.

God there are too many obstacles in our way that block our every attempt at finding a way to be together.

My feelings for him are too strong for me to try and subdue. They overpower my every waking and dreaming thought.

Sometimes I just want to give up, for it is too hard to go on alone.

Alone is the way I feel I will always be.

Is he as good as I perceive him to be?

Sometimes he seems too good to be true.

I sure don't deserve a man like him.

God am I just kidding myself in believing that he cares for me even a little?

I don't understand why anyone, let alone someone as wonderful as him, would care for me.

Why? Why me? I am nothing special. Why am I so confused?

I want to believe that someday will finally come, but how far into the future is someday?

Someday seems so very far away. Someday we will meet. Someday we will see if we are meant for each other. Someday we will finally know what the truth is. Will someday ever be today?

I feel as if someday is just another word for never.

Why must I be torn to pieces with confusion, doubts, and uncertainties for days at a time?

Then a few days later I am hopeful, happy and joyful.

My mind and body are playing tug of war with my heart!

My body teases me, and my mind confuses me.

My body desires him and my heart wants him to love me.

My mind doesn't believe I will get either.

My soul reaches out for his, wanting to intertwine my soul with his.

Will that day ever come? Will my dreams only be just that, a dream?

I want to hope, but every time I start to, something brings me back to reality.

Hope hurts. It makes me think that what will probably not ever be, might be possible.

Then I see all the obstacles in our way, with no way to remove them!

Hope is then dashed on the rocks at the bottom of the cliff.

I even begin to doubt if I am the only one in his life. I don't truly believe there is,but my mind keeps trying to make me think about that possibility.

Hope teases me, my body teases me, my mind confuses me until I don't know what to believe anymore.

My body and heart want to believe the dream, while my mind keeps seeing things about us that might not even be there.

My mind reads more into things than my heart wants it to.

It is very hard having our feelings and desires so unequal.

I know he can't feel, give or show anymore until we meet in person, but knowing that doesn't make it any easier to deal with.

I don't see how he can go from feeling the little he does now, to loving me in person. If he doesn't feel it now, how will being in person change a thing? There might be chemistry, but I don't want that without love as a part of it.

I would just end up being hurt if love was not part of the physical intimacy.

It is just wishful thinking that it will even get that far. I see no way of anything changing that would break down the barriers before us.

If his feelings for me haven't grown in all this time, then meeting will not change a thing. Why should I even go on?

He gets to feel that he is wanted, cared for, and loved. Sometimes that doesn't feel fair.

I know he cares about me, but so do my friends! How is the way he cares much different from the way they care about me?

We talk about the same kinds of things. Some of my friends even tell me that they love me often. That he definitely doesn't do.

They say only time will tell. Well **** time! Time drags on and on and nothing changes!!

Why must what I feel, seem like it isn't worth anything! I wish I could just quit feeling the way I feel! It would make things so much simpler.

Then I wouldn't care if even part of my feelings are returned.

If I drank alcohol, I would drink until I didn't feel anymore.

Alas, I don't drink, do drugs, or smoke cigarettes. I don't do anything that would numb me.

God why must everyone be against us? Why can't we just have a chance to meet?

God is that so much to ask? You say you will give us our hearts desires. Why make things so difficult? We have so much in common, and are so compatible, please give us a chance to meet!

This emotional roller coaster that I keep going on over and over and over, is wearing me out!

God please give me Hope that things will work out the way we want them to, Peace in my soul instead of constantly warring with myself.

Help me see if there is a weakness in any of the barriers in our path! Please help me break them down, one by one until there is nothing standing in our way!

Protect my heart from being hurt again, yet still be able to love.

Give me the strength I need to get through this, without losing hope.

Thank You God.

May Love Find Your Heart -
Countess